WTH

WTH IS WRONG WITH THAT BIRD?


THERE IS A STRANGE, YELLOW AND GRAY BIRD REPEATEDLY RUNNING INTO MY WINDOW. IT'S DRIVING MY CATS CRAZY. THAT. STUPID. BIRD. ARGH! IT'S ANNOYING ME SO MUCH. MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK. THAT'S ANNOYING TOO.

Hmm...

....I was going to say something important here.













I forgot what it was.

Edit: I still don't remember what I was going to say, but I bought Alice in Zombieland earlier today. I thought that worthy of mention.

The Poetic Poem of Jimmybelle

In reading class this week, I wrote a poem called 'The Poetic Poem of Poetry'. My good friend - who on the blogs is called Jimmybelle - really liked the poem. I promised to send it to her, but I forgot to write it down because the journal I wrote it in stays at school. Curse my short term memory. Well, I felt really guilty, so on Friday night I sat down and wrote Jimmybelle poem. Then I sent it to her. And now I'm posting it here. I'm going to shut up now and just post the thing, but first I must say that there are a few things in the poem you might not understand...


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I know of a girl

Who has magical powers

Who will braid my short hair

And dreams of large flowers

Her name is Jimmybelle

She happens to be quite insane

But she’s also quite awesome

So don’t make me say it again

She draws rainbow squirrels

That are fat and wide

They are the best squirrels ever

So in them Jimmybelle takes pride

And Jimmybelle’s dreams of flowers

Scare me quite a bit

The flowers are giant

So you can either run or submit

Being squashed by a flower

Doesn’t seem very amusing

And El Dancing Pickle

I just find confusing

I had a dream once, you know

Jimmybelle and I were under a giant mushroom

Skulduggery Pleasant joined us for tea

As did a shape-shifting broom

Not only does she radiate good energy

Jimmybelle’s a great friend

I hope you can get to know her

‘Cause she’ll make you laugh until the end

*sigh*

I am very, very tired.

Why?

Because it was HOT outside this week. It's never hot where I live. It's always either snowy or rainy. But this week there was SUN and HEAT and....it was horrible. I hate hot weather. It zaps my energy. If it continues on like this, I'm going to die at camp this summer. Oh God. I'm going to collapse during kickball or something and melt on the grass. I just know that this is what'll happen.

Why am I posting? No, it wasn't originally to complain about the heat, but that was a nice bonus. Anyway, I might not be on the blogs a ton this weekend. Yoga, fencing, life....I tis be busy. For once.

Also, part one of Trivial Things is up.

...............

I hate that title so much. It has NOTHING to do with the story. It seemed okay when I gave it to the story, but now I hate it. I'm going to re-name it again. I'll let everyone know when I've chosen a fitting title.

...............

But read it anyway. The title sucks, but I think the story is good. I'm proud of it.

Bye now.

Hetalia Netherlands

I credit Mir for sending me this picture! It's Netherlands from Hetalia. HE HAS FLETCHER HAIR!

[Insert Clever Title Here] - Part One

EDIT: This was previously named Trivial Things.


I am on a roll.  Every single thing I get done tonight boosts my ego a bit. Now, I'm going to post this, then go eat some chili before embarking on a mathematical journey. I had heaps of fun writing this.


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If there’s one thing in the world I love more than anything else, it’s pranking people.

Well, no.  Actually, if there’s one thing I love more than anything else, it’s peppermints, but pranking the suckers at my school lands in a close second.  I should be paid to prank people.  My pranks are much too glorious to be done for free.  And yet I do them anyway, because the world would spontaneously combust if I didn’t.

I quite like my world non-combusted, thank you.

Now, where was I?  Ah yes, the pranking.  What does this have to do with the story, you ask?  Nothing really, it just leads us to where we are now.  Which is a room at my school with the principal in it.  Currently, I’m sitting in the most uncomfortable chair in the non-combusted world, side by side with my good ol’ pal, Ice.

And no, for all the name obsessed weirdos out there, Ice isn’t the name her parents gave her.  It’s short for Alice, which isn’t her given name either.  Her given name is actually --- ow.  Ice just punched me.  Apparently I’m not allowed to tell you her given name.  I guess that’s fair though, as you’re not getting my given name either, and won’t get it anytime soon.  But everyone calls me Darq, so you can too, okay?

Okay.

“I cannot believe you girls!”  Ah, my principal.  The one man in most need of a hug that you’ll ever meet if you ever have the misfortune to meet him.  Imagine a short, pudgy, balding, red-faced man with a huge nose, and that’s him.  His name is Mr.….something I can’t be bothered to remember (which is probably why he hates Ice and I so very, very much).  But I do remember that his first name is Joe, so we’ll just call him Joe.

“Why is that, sir?” Ice asked from her position beside me.  “What have we done this time?”  Sarcasm was dripping from her words like poison.  Which, you know, ticked Joe off.

“You know what you did!” he snapped.  True, very true.  We did know what we had done.  We had been the ones to do it.  But no way were we going to make this easy for him.  Because then the world would spontaneously combust.

Once again, un-combusted world = happy Darq.

“I’m afraid we don’t know,” Ice told him sincerely.  She was totally trying not to laugh.  “Or, at least I don’t.  Maybe Darq knows?” she added, turning to me.

Joe’s beady eyes narrowed.  They reminded me of a shrew, and I’m not incredibly fond of shrews, so I looked away to his hair.  It was getting some gray in it.  I bet Ice and I caused some of it.

“I refuse to call you by that ridiculous nickname, Miss (insert my given name here),” Mr. Schmancy-Pants Joe told me, “but maybe you can enlighten your incompetent friend as to why you are here yet again.”

I tapped my chin with my finger, pretending to think.  “Maybe it’s because you had nothing better to do than call us down here?” I suggested.

 Joe glared at me.  “No.”

“You wanted to share a cup of tea with us?”

“No.”

I shrugged.  “Sorry, I suck at guessing games.”

“She does,” Ice mused.  “She really does.”

I smacked her on the back on the head.

Joe glared at us some more.  “This is not a game,” he hissed.  “You two super-glued shut my office door!”

Ah.  Yes, that explains why we were here and why we were in the Spanish room.

But we hadn’t done that.

Ice and I exchanged a quick glance.  I could see a slight bit of panic in her emerald eyes.  I’m sure mine reflected it.  We had put an exploding cake in Joe’s office, but never super-glued the door shut.  That would defeat the purpose of the cake.

Yes, okay, we were the most notorious pranksters in our school, but there were others.  People who weren’t as willing to prank all the time as us, but could still pull off a mildly amusing one now and then.  They were always caught and charged justly.  I guess the culprit wanted to see Joe standing in front of his office door, cursing and screaming at it.  That would have been hysterical.  But no, they didn’t get that show.  Joe had automatically blamed us for it.  Maybe because Ice and I hadn’t pulled any pranks in a while.  We had been out of school sick, and thus the still un-exploded cake.  This was the first time we had been blamed for someone else’s crime.  It wasn’t fun.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said, leaning forward.  “We didn’t pull that prank.”

Joe laughed cruelly.  “You expect me to believe you?”

I put one hand over my heart and raised the other.  “Scout’s honor, sir.  We – the evilest people in the entire school system – did not pull this prank.”

“And just that makes me believe that you did it,” Joe said with an exasperated sigh.

Ice glared at him.  She may be a fun-loving, purple-haired gal, but she can be scary as heck when she wants to be.

And yes, her hair is purple.  I have known Ice my entire life and haven’t seen her with a normal hair color since the second grade.  Her hair is always the same shade of royal purple with different colored streaks in it (currently periwinkle).  I don’t really remember her natural hair color.  I think she was a brunette.  Maybe.

“Have you checked the security tapes?” Ice asked coolly.  Joe’s jaws tightened.  Ha, he hadn’t thought of that.  Ice sighed.  “Thought so.”

Joe pointed an accusing finger at us.  “I am going to check the tapes.  You will stay here.”  Then he turned and walked out the door, locking it behind him.

Ice turned to me, one eyebrow raised.  “’Scouts honor’?”

I shrugged, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a peppermint.  “It was worth a shot.  Sanguine told Valkyrie that in Playing with Fire.”

Ice grinned.  Ah, did I forget to mention that we are avid Skulduggery Pleasant fans?  Well, now you know.

We like anime too.

“You’re not a scout,” Ice pointed out.

I shrugged again, popping the peppermint into my mouth.  “I highly doubt that Sanguine was either.”

“True, true…” she mused.  Her gazed fell on the locked door.  “When do you think he’ll be back?”

“Never.  He’ll probably just keep us in here all day or something,” I muttered sulkily, not putting it past Joe to do such a thing.  I brushed my silvery-white bangs out of my eyes to observe a poster with the Spanish alphabet written on it.  Yes, I am an albino.  Get over it, it’s not that amazing.  Actually, no, don’t get over it.  It is amazing, but only because it’s me who’s an albino, and I am amazing.

My ego is huge.  It comes with every Darq you order, free of charge.  Just pay shipping and handling.

After getting over her giggles at my accusation, Ice opened her mouth to say something.  I still don’t know what smart remark she was going to make, because, at that moment, an alarm in the building went off.  The evacuation drill alarm.

The voice of our vice principal came on the P.A. system.  “Students and teachers!” she said, sounding terrified.  “Please exit the building immediately.  This is not a drill!  I repeat, this is not a drill!” The P.A. was cut off.  There were a few minutes of frantic screaming, running, and shouting in the halls, and then the school building went eerily quiet.

Slowly, ever so slowly, as though time itself had slowed down, I turned my eyes to meet Ice’s.  Her panic wasn't suppressed this time.  It was blaring out at me full-force.  At that moment, I knew eight things:

1)        We were locked in our school with a bunch of crazy people.

2)        No one knew where we were.

3)        We needed to get out of here now.

4)        I had no clue how to get us out.

5)       Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain weren’t going to burst through a window and save us.

6)       No one was going to burst through a window and save us.  Period.

7)       I am going to kill Joe.

8)       I need to go to the bathroom.

Hey, I have the attention span of a goldfish.  That last thought was bound to end up in there somehow.  You need to stop expecting better things from me.  Seriously.

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Yeah, uhh...y'know how I said the recap will only last through part 1 and maybe part 2? Well, the recap will be going on for all of part 2 and probably part of part 3. Ok? Ok.

[Insert Clever Title Here] - Prologue

EDIT: This was previously named Trivial Things.

Oh my God, I'm sorry this took me so long to start. This was previously called 'I Blame the Bunnies', or something similar. The rest of the story will be in first person from Darq's point of view.


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The newly named Alice Something stared at Darq intently.  Slowly, Darq edged as far away from her as she could without crushing Kallista into the window.  The backseat of the Bentley was surprisingly crowded when full of a three teenage girls, a frying pan, and a rice paddle.  Add a Fletcher on the floor and two incredibly awesome detectives named Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant – who happens to be a well dressed skeleton - in the front seat, and you’ve got a disaster on wheels.

“Not one scratch,” Skulduggery reminded them.  It was almost he had read Darq’s thoughts.

Alice was still staring at Darq.  “Dude,” Darq finally said.  “Mind telling me why you’re staring at me?”

“Have you decided on a taken name yet?” Alice – more commonly known as Ice – inquired.

“No,” she muttered glumly.  “I want to have Darq in it, but anything I put after that sounds cheesy.”

“And dumb,” Fletcher put in.  “I mean, you’re an albino.  Even if it’s spelled with a “Q”, the name Darq just sounds dumb.”

Darq glared at him through her snowy bangs.  “Shut up Fletcher, nobody likes you.”

Fletcher glared back.  “Val likes me.”  He turned to Valkyrie.  “Right Val?”

“Fletcher…I’m your girlfriend.  I don’t really count,” Valkyrie told him gently.  She looked like she was trying to laugh.

“Oh…” Fletcher looked crestfallen.  “Well, Skulduggery likes me.”

“And where did you get that impression?”  Skulduggery countered in an amused voice.

“…Kallista?”

Kallista was currently burying her face in her sleeve to stifle her giggles.

“Ice…?”

“No.”

Fletcher looked around as if hoping that someone else would be in the car, but there was no such person.  Darq quirked an eyebrow at him, biting her tongue so that she wouldn’t laugh.  Fletcher stared at her helplessly for a second before looking at the floor.  “I like me,” he muttered softly.

Valkyrie, Kallista, Ice, and Darq burst out laughing.  Skulduggery chuckled a bit.  Darq patted Fletcher’s spiky hair, somehow managing not to lose her hand in the process.  “It’s okay Fletcher.  You’re just here to be comic relief.”

He stared at her incredulously, all traces of sadness gone and replaced with irritation.  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

Darq opened her mouth to make a witty retort when Skulduggery cut her off.   “Well, as amusing as this is, we need to get down to business.  Ice, Darq, you know about Derek Landy and how he writes about our world.”

Ice gaped at him.  “You mean that he didn’t make it all up and that this isn’t an insanely awesome dream I’ll have to wake up from eventually?”

“Well of course it’s not made up,” Skulduggery grumbled.  “I’m far too amazing to be made up.  I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if Valkyrie or Fletcher were made up, but me?  How could you think such a thing?  Who would be capable of making up someone as fabulous as me?”

“…Fabulous?” Kallista muttered, earning another round of giggles from the girls.

“Anyway,” Skulduggery continued.  “What I would like to know is why Dusk, Sanguine, Scapegrace, and Springheeled Jack all came after you two.”

“Probably because we found some magical items from an anime in our teachers’ offices,” Ice offered.

There was a moment of silence in the Bentley.  Then Valkyrie asked “…What?”

Immediately, Ice turned to Darq.  “You explain.  Tell them about the Humpty lock and the Dumpty Key and Scapegrace’s army of evil bunnies and the secret tunnel in the supply closet.”

Darq stared at her friend for a moment before sighing.  Slowly, in a voice hinted with excitement, she began to recount their tale.

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So part one and (approximately) most of part two will be Darq catching us up on the story, but it will be told like that was just happening. It's hard to explain, but I think you'll get it when you read it. But first....

1) Yes, Darq is an albino.

2) Ice's taken name is Alice Something.

3) Ice will be called Ice by everyone currently in the Bentley plus China and Ghastly. Anyone else will she meets will call her Alice.

4) Same thing for Darq when she takes her taken name.

5) Alice and Darq are not their given names. Their given names won't be revealed for awhile.